This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so let's talk penis.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
