I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
