i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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