I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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