he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
