Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
