dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
