Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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