Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
