dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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