sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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