There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
