AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
