Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
