I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Come on in and take your pants off
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
