I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
