how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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