the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
