have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
