I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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