so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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