she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
