there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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