I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
