Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
