I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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