covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
