You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
