Porn is love you can see.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
