Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
