i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
