im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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