Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
