So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
