I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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