I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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