While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
