You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
