But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
