You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
