Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
