Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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