I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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