ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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