There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
