I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
