I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
