it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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