I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
