But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Randomize
