Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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