Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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