Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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