dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
